Monday, April 4, 2011

26 Years...

On Thursday, March 31st, I celebrated my 26th birthday. I was surrounded by people that I absolutely and truly love with all of my heart, and those who I know feel the same. This has been one of the best birthdays I have in a very long time. Usually, I feel like I really don't want to do anything, and I just want to be by myself. This year, I felt free.

This past year has not been the easiest. I've touched a little bit on being unemployed before. At first, I was like yea, I need the break. After about 4 days, I was ready to go back to work. That 4 days has turned into almost 5 months. It sucks, really bad. So, I didn't think that on my birthday I would want to do anything. For some reason, I just told myself I was going to have fun regardless. I didn't want my whole life to stop because I didn't have a job. For once, I wanted to enjoy my birthday. That's exactly what I did. I remember at around midnight, I sat in my room and prayed. I thanked God for me making it this far without going crazy, because at times I felt like I was. To be honest, my family really helped me through it. I didn't feel judged, or looked down upon because I wasn't where they wanted me to be, and I definitely wasn't where I wanted to be. They didn't make me feel anyway but happy. I remember when I first lost my job, my Uncle told me "Jazz, you can't depend on anybody but yourself to make you happy. A lot of people don't want to see you happy, so you have to make yourself happy." I will probably carry that conversation with me for the rest of my life because it was at the moment that I decided I wasn't going to let me not having a job break me. I was going to do what I had to get where I want to be.

If any of you read my weight loss blog, then you know I've had some craziness with my diet as well. I am pretty sure that over my birthday weekend, I've gained AT LEAST 3 pounds! LOL. I look back at old photos on Facebook, when I was 32 pounds heavier, and I see how much I've changed. I honestly didn't realize how much I'd changed until everyone else made comments. Now, I feel like I'm on my way to Jennifer Hudson status! LOL. She is getting so much attention from her weight loss, and I wonder if it bothers her. My weight loss affects me at times. I realize how guys look at me now; differently, and sometimes I don't like. It makes me wish I was 32 pounds heavier. I decided to lose weight for me, not for anyone else. I love how I look, and how I know I am going to look. Three months ago, I knew guys were shallow, just not how much. Now guys who didn't really notice me before, want to get in my good graces. I just sing that Mike Jones song in my head, "back then didn't want me." Should I be that way? No, but it's just the way I am right now! LOL. Like, I had made a goal to lose 30 pounds by my birthday, and I was so proud of myself.

It is sometimes so hard to believe that I have been on this earth for 26 years. On my b-day I had the BIGGEST smile on my face, and I felt sooo happy. I don't think anybody realized like I just felt so grateful and so thankful to be blessed with another birthday, to be blessed with another year of life. (Yall, I am crying as I type this...keyboard all wet and ish. LOL) I hadn't spent my birthday with my older brother in years. It felt so good to have him here. I didn't realize HOW MUCH I had missed him until he came back home. It felt good to spend another birthday with my mom and sister. It felt good to have my family at the restaurant, (Carrabas, you rock my socks!!) to have them there celebrating MY birthday. It felt good to have my dad come over and have cake and a shot of Ciroc with me. It felt good to just be surrounded by everyone, knowing that they love me. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday. And the weekend, gosh, I had so much fun. Nothing compares to this. Absolutely nothing.

So, thank you Mama, Daddy, Rossi, Mika, Uncle Darryl, Aunt Regina, Aunt Mo, Lee, Tameka, Pierre, and Jared for making this one of the BEST birthdays I've had. It meant soooo much to me to be able to celebrate with me. Thanks to Ryan and Lefty for celebrating In KY for me! LOL I love you guys sooo much.

Thank you God for allowing me to have another birthday with my family. I can't thank you enough for all of the many blessings you have bestowed upon me, and all of the many blessing that will follow! Thank you!

Signing Out,

P.S. Guys, yes...I am still teary-eyed! LOL. I hope my laptop still works tomorrow! Ahahahaha!

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