I can proudly say, it has been almost a year!! Whoo! *wipes forehead* I say this has been a journey, because when I was celibate before, I didn't find out ANYTHING about myself. This time, it's been different. I've found out what kind of guy I really like, (another post, another time) I've found out what kind of person I am. Before, I cared about what people thought. I cared about what guys wanted, especially if I liked them. I was too willing to do, when nothing was being done for me. I am the type of person who does things, without looking for reciprocity. I like doing things for people. I am just simply a nice person. Some things, I had to learn, shouldn't be given so willingly, in hopes that this person will like me. I admit, it took me a long time to realize that, I'm not always the only one. The last guy I dated showed me that. He actually told me that I wasn't, but I kept giving in, in hopes that I would become the only one. Trust and believe, IT DOESN'T WORK!
That's when I had to change. I had to take a look in the mirror and realize I was more than that. At first, being celibate was hard. I won't lie. It became easier when I realized I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. If a guy wants to take me out, in hopes that I will sleep with him, let that be on him. We can go out, have a nice time, then I will go home to my bed, ALONE!!! The thing is, I am okay with that. I want someone who will be happy just being around me, not inside of me. (yea, i said it) I don't think I have an unrealistic view either. I KNOW there are guys out there who are willing to wait, it's just there are so many more females who are willing to give it to them, why should they wait for me? That is the issue with most women today. We are so desperate to NOT be alone, that we are willing to give up so much.
I'm not saying that I am going to get with a guy and just hold out to see if he will stay. That's not what I am doing. I am doing this FOR ME. I never say "I am going to hold out for x amount of months" That's so unrealistic. I keep my sugar in my sugar bowl until I am ready. (Thanks T.I.)
All in all, this journey has been amazing. It's only been almost a year for me, I know women who have gone years, and are happy that way. I just want to say, whatever you do in life, do it for YOU! Do what makes YOU happy.
#thatisall
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