Wednesday, December 19, 2012

December 17

I will never forget this day. It is a day that still crosses my mind, every day. This is the day my whole world changed, the day I lost you. I was very sure that you would be in my life for the remainder of me years, but I guess God didn't see it that way. I was for sure I would be able to hold you, and love you for the rest of my life. It's still hard to even realize that you are not here, that you are not a pertinent part of my life. You were, and still are the love of my life. You are irreplaceable. You were the reason I laughed and cried. My life changed when you came into my life, but it also changed when you left so abruptly. I was so hurt and overwhelmed, and there are still days that I can't believe that I got through it. I still can't believe that you are gone. I still can't believe that something that was a part of me is gone. I still can't believe that it has been 9 years. 9 years is a long time to never get over someone. 9 years is a long time to live life without someone that you loved so very much. I still imagine holding you in my arms. I still imagine kissing your face. I still imagine...you. On this day, I know I will never forget you. Even when others will come along and try to replace you, you will always be my first love. You will always be the one that I love. You will always be the one that I wanted so much, even when others were against it, I chose you. I chose life with you. It wasn't in God's plan to keep you in my life, but for the time I had you, I was glad he chose me for that moment. I was glad God chose me to love you, even for a short time. I STILL love you. I STILL wish you were here. Even in my happiest moment, I think what if? What would this moment be life if you were still here? How would my life had changed if you were a part of every happy moment in my life. I will never know, but dang it, I wish I could. I really wish I could know what life would be like with you in it. It hasn't been the easiest, but I am blessed. I am truly happy with my life, even without you in it. You are always in the forefront of my mind, and most days, that keeps me going. I still get sad about you leaving. I still cry. I'm crying now. I will probably NEVER get over losing you, but I know that God had a greater plan for you and me. So, I don't get sad. I even smile as tears fall from my eyes thinking of you, because I know we are both okay. I know that you served your purpose in my life. I learned a lot when you were with me, and when you left. I will always carry your spirit within me, I wouldn't have it any other way. No one will probably every understand how much I loved you, how much you meant to me, and how much you changed my whole entire world. Only someone who had you in their life would understand that. So, on this day, December 17th, 2012 I remember you 9 years later. Even as I cry, I remember you, and just know that I'm okay. I will be okay, and I know that you ok. I love you, so very much. Always.


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