Monday, July 11, 2011
Wassup everyone?!? Your favorite weirdo is BACK!! Did you miss me? *crickets* Well dang...I thought we were better than that!!! So, seriously, y'all didn't miss me? Y'all know I can be sensitive...*goes to cry in my tea*
Anywho, I've been gone for a long time...3 months! Wow, I haven't written since April, and that's a long time. For those who read my blog on a consistent basis, I apologize, I really do. It's just been a crazy past few months! Ok, it really hasn't, but I just didn't have the motivation to write anything. I spent a lot of time just doubting myself. It's been kind of rough, because I am still fighting for this thing we call "sanity." I've fallen off on everything, the job hunt, writing, designing, my diet...EVERYTHING! I've been praying about it all, because all of the things I was doing, was helping me keep my "sanity" and now...I'm slowly losing it. Well, God has answered my prayers. I am back to writing (as you can see), I started back working out, will be back on my diet, and I am back to job hunting.
It's crazy how we seem to get into OUR OWN heads and tell ourselves we can't do it. I am the type of person to take things to heart. So, when I face rejection, it really gets to me. Most often than not, it is me telling myself that I can't do it. Why? I don't know. When things don't go my way, well, then it must be something that I am doing wrong, so I take it out on myself. Doing this has gotten me nowhere. "Jazz, that has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard!!" (In my Bill Cosby telling Theo off voice) It really is. Who am I to get in my OWN WAY? What kind of sense does that make? I had basically taken myself out of the game. Telling MYSELF, "this aint right," even when those around me are telling me that it is. I was doing so amazingly well. I really was, then I just got in my own way. It's sad, but true.
Now, I am getting out of my own way. I am stepping up and doing what needs to be done to promote a GREATER ME! I went to church this morning, and I got the lesson of a lifetime. Our Pastor preached on "Letting Go and Letting God." That's when I knew that God was answering my prayers, because I had just prayed about it, had just told my brother that exact same thing! That night before, I had told God, I was letting go and letting Him do His will and I was just going to follow. It's crazy, because during service, I kept hearing this voice saying "Stop fighting me..." It was an experience I needed. I needed that, and now...I can really and truly get out of my own way, and His way!
I am blessed, and sooo happy about it!