Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Top Female Artists with NO vocal talents!


In the music industry today, all I see is plastic barbies. "Perfect" faces, "Perfect" hair, "Perfect" bodies. With all of the this "perfection" being constantly enhanced, there is no need to worry about how they sound. As long as you "look good," there is really no need to have much talent at all. Long gone are the days where you had to pack a powerhouse voice for someone to even listen to you, let alone buy your record/album/cd. Nowadays with the uprisal of music being made in a studio instead of real using real instruments, and of course auto-tune, there is no need for you to be able to sing at all.
I am getting sick and of the pseudo-female singers who think that what they are actually doing is called talent. Ugh. It perturbs me that they would actually call what they do "art." Are you kidding me? They may have talents with writing songs, hey that may actually be your niche boo boo, but singing..honey..how about you hang up and try again!


Ashanti
  In the early 2000's, we were introduced to this non-singing heffa, but we all listened because, the songs she was singing were hot. We simply just did not listen to the horrendous sounds that were coming from her mouth. I felt like she was the kid in the choir who stood in the middle. You didn't want here to be directly in front of the mic, and you didn't want her behind everyone to throw them off. Like seriously, Ms. "It's Murda" herself is a true cornball with no vocal talents. I think people began to realize "this trick can't sing" because she has basically fallen off the face of the earth, and the only time we see her she is either with her "bf" Nelly, or in the club with her now popular socialite sister.


Keri Hilson
  When Ms. "Keri Baby" first came out, I will be honest, I used to sing "Energy" at the top of my lungs! That was my jam. Then that "Keep rockin, and keep knocking" song came out and I was a fan. I disregarded the her voice. I will admit that, I failed because I am usually very critical about my music. I don't like b.s. and her voice is just that. Don't get me wrong, her songwriting talents are crazy, and she made a decent living from it. I guess it wasn't enough, she had to be like Ne-Yo and shower us with horrible-ness. Like, really boo boo. We did NOT need to be blessed with your presence. I am sure the men get a kick out watching you! I finally realized this trollop couldn't sing with her horrendous attempt at singing live. OMG! Yall remember the '09 BET awards where she stopped the music and did it acapella. O_o That was the look I gave before I covered my ears! OMG! So, I guess she realized that her voice was just BAD, so she comes out with a video where she is griding on a...DOOR! REally trollop, like, where in your head did it tell you it was okay to do that? First off, you can't dance, you can't sing, so I guess griding on a door compensates for that! OMG! Get real Ms. Keri, and go back to songwriting.



Ciara
  Well, what can I say about Ms. Ciara. A LOT! This non-singing heffa has gone from not giving up her "Goodies' to selling her shit on Craigslist! I guess being cute and tomboyish didn't compensate not being able to sing, so she decides to make a video that is not too far from a porno! Now, don't get me wrong, I rocks out to "Ride," I really and truly do. I even do the little booty bounce and erethang! Feel ME? But, the trollop still can't sing. She is now being tossed around between different celebrities trying to up her record sales. Now, maybe if you had a voice like Jennifer, Jill, hell even Mary J. Blige, you wouldn't have to be overly sexy and your talent would speak for itself. Plus, wtf was that performance at the '09 BET Awards? Like, your super talent is cleary dancing. I wanted to jump up, shoot at your feet and yell "Dance, monkey, DANCE" but for fear of falling into the category of Coonery, I just changed the channel!




Keyshia Cole
  Ms. Boobie Gibson definitely has a powerful voice, but pretty it is not. When she first started out, I was like, ok, FINALLY! We got a new batch of vocal talent coming. But she tricked us! With that powerful-ness, she disguised the ugliness that is "her voice." Now Keyshia was a little smarter than the other ladies on my list, she got vocal training. So, going from her first cd to her latest, her voice has gotten dramatically better, and I can actually listen without cringing. I just want to say..do you boo boo. Keep working at it, and you might actually get off of my list!



Kandi
 Even from the days of Xscape, I always wondered why she led. Her voice was "different" and it just didn't fit the mold. I cringed when she hit the high note on "My Little Secret," because pretty it was not! Kandi has to sing songs that fit her voice, and when they don't she tends to oversing them, making them feel "cheap." I am rooting for her though. I actually like her personality on RHOA! Well, except her being frineds with her dim-witted blond friend Kim. Why is she wasting her talents on that idiot anyway? I agree, she can make a hot song, but singing...she might need to stick with songwriting!




Nikki Minaj
  When I first heard Nikki, it was on some random mixtape my cousin had made. But, she wasn't singing, which was a God send. When she came out with "Your Love," I was like wtf is this trollop thinking? So, not only is this trick a gimmick, calling herself a "Harajuku Barbie," but she is trying to sing? Really? Who's idea was that? She almost sounds like a chopped and screwed chipmunk. High voice, just slower tempo. Then "Right Through Me." Don't get me wrong, that was my ringtone for a while, because I like the song, NOT her voice. So, trollop, you wanna be a sanga now? The life span of that career died right along with T-pain's singing career! Now, you both will probably be "featured" artists and fall into the artists pits of hell, right there with Lil Mo!



Rihanna
 So, you go from a Beyonce' reject, cut your hair, change your style and you are a bonafide singer now, huh? WRONG! Ur trifling arse STILL can't sing, and your career, well let's just say..we will all be like "Rih-Rih, who?" and guess what? We will ALL still be chucking up the "Deuces" with Chris! Now run and tell that TROLLOP! Ok, sorry guys, as you all can see, this trick leaves a bad taste in my mouth! I just can't, I really can't. I mean, like, she has NO talent whatsoever! And I bet you, they may find out she has an extra chromosome! (Not that there is anything wrong with that, I love everyone..but it's just something about her face!) Anywho, her voice makes me want to go and kick her ass in the FACE! Who, on God's green earth told her she could sing. Not only that, who told all you dumb tricks to listen to her! Now, I liked Rihanna back in the day when she looked wholesome, before she went vampire-tramp on us! Now, I just want her to "shat the fuck up, and saddown somewhere!" Like, she is the at top tier of female artist with NO vocal talents! I just..man...that's why Jennifer, Jazmine, Jill, Fanny and those who CAN sing are always at the top of my playlist! Ugh...

Anywho, this is my list, what do you guys think? Who's on your list? Was there anyone I left off? Anyone you feel shouldn't be on the list? Let me know peoples!

Signing Out,

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